Barely Buoyant
by Peridot272
Summary: Kaldur'ahm has finally fulfilled his duty as an infiltrator of the Light. Yet, attitudes on his return are varied. Can the time, experiences, and relationships lost ever be accounted for? Oneshot. Set immediately following season 2.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice or any of the DC characters in this work of fiction.**

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, the fate of the world is in your hands."

Aqualad rolled his eyes as Captain Atom populated a large holographic screen with the 20 assigned pairs of heroes. Luthor's rallying call agitated him-its grandeur the unwarranted condensation of a hypocrite. He knew the words of a guilty man didn't mean much to his comrades but they all knew working with the businessman was their only option.

He was suddenly pushed forward as Lagoon Boy walked past him without acknowledgement. The boy was angry of course. After all, Aqualad supposed that in his opinion, there wasn't much of a difference between Luthor and himself at this point.

Aqualad scanned the royal blue shells of the Reach tech eggs from afar. He tried to convince himself that these were all it would take to end his nightmare- the end of the boundaries overstepped for the supposed "greater good". Allegiances were becoming all too indistinguishable

"I see political differences haven't caused you to resign," Aqualad noted a cocky crook in Luthor's brow in the distance, "yet, anyway."

"Not a chance, Luthor," Rocket grabbed an egg and turned away from the politician.

Kaldur blinked away instinctively but admittedly let his gaze creep back onto the heroine. It was amazing to him how surreal it was to see some of his old friends again. He had seen Rocket multiple times during his time undercover: in his mind. Yet to see her physically a mere 25 meters away, fully tangible and present, it froze him. Rocket, of all the heroes, was the one whose opinion on his return he was least certain about. Ultimately, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

She exhaled the irritable grimace from her face as she peered at the screen and then scanned the crowd. Aqualad analyzed her indifferent expression, pondering about the events of her life in his absence, until he realized her large, brown eyes had eclipsed his own.

It was a long second. Admittedly she was subtle in attempt to appear unbothered. Yet, even from his distance Aqualad could note of hint of displeasure befall her face before she sharply looked away.

Rocket's jaw tensed as she swallowed. "Dr. Strange!," she called into the crowd of heroes before adjusting her belt and blasting into flight.

Aqualad sighed as he groped the back of his neck. He had hoped he wouldn't have to deal with it; that she would be just as she was when he left. Yet of course nothing would be that easy. She was too complex for his convenience.

"You ready?" a reluctant Lagoon Boy approached him with the Reach egg in hand.

Aqualad nodded irritably, noting the boys blank gaze. He didn't care to look him in the eye any longer, of course, "Let's move out." Nonetheless duty calls.

* * *

Kaldur's eyes bore into the rugged terrain of the popcorn ceiling. His back seemed to sink centimeter by centimeter into the spring mattress with each exhale, as if he could bury himself if he so pleased it.

It had been exactly 2 weeks since the Earth's collective meta forces overthrew the Reach. Exactly 1 week since Wally's funeral service.

He flinched an eye closed, bracing himself as small pieces of the drywall fell. The neighbors above him were apparently rowdy and heavy-footed. How surprising it was to him that the thin, water damaged floor hadn't betrayed them.

Kaldur sighed. It was strange; returning was all he wanted for over the past year, but now he just wanted time to pause. Unless there was an emergency, the entire team had the week off to grieve. Nonetheless, it didn't seem like enough time for anyone: to get past Wally, to accept Dick's absence, or to be comfortable with him by their side, much less as leader again.

A knock at the door disrupted Kaldur's thoughts.

"Well," Dick came in after fumbling with the keyhole, "this should be it. It's not much but."

"Thank you," Kaldur grabbed the box from him before placing it on the counter and looking through it, "No one ever managed to question your possession of my belongings?"

"Nah, not many visitors in Bludhaven, not even Robin," Dick smirked. He watched the Atlantean shuffle through his few items: spare water bearers, photos, 2 books, and a pair of swim trunks he hated were among them.

Kaldur squinted as he lifted a plush squid from the box. Raquel had won it for him at a carnival when he was 17 he believed. He didn't recall actually wanting it, but of course she insisted. "I thought you would have thrown this away."

"Why would I," Dick shrugged.

"I believed you would only keep the bare minimum…this isn't very necessary by your definition. I never cared for the pollen and dust it attracted anyway," Kaldur shrugged before setting it on the counter, "Besides we both know how competitive you are."

"I thought about it," Dick raised his brow in a smug fashion, "She would've had my head, for one. Besides, you can't exactly be 'competition' if you're not around Kaldur."

"Convenient," Kaldur turned to splash his face and neck with running water.

Dick nodded and sighed while rubbing his nose, "So… is there something we need to address or-"

"I'm not upset Robin," Kaldur smirked, "Nightwing, Dick, or what ever you're calling yourself now. It seems my sense of humor is lost on you"

"It's always been, Kaldur," Dick grinned before sitting against the sole chair in the studio apartment, dismissal welling in his chest, "or you've never had much of one."

"Of course not," Kaldur shook his head resigned and leaned against the counter, changing the subject, "When can we expect you at the Watchtower? A month? A year?"

"Honestly, I wouldn't get my hopes up," Dick rubbed the back of his neck and stood to his feet, "How are you moving forward, anyway? The team seems to be warming up to you again. Leading it should be back to normal now, especially with Batgirl's' help."

"Somewhat... I'm not sure that I can tell the difference between what should and shouldn't be done at this point. Boundaries are hard to define. People are difficult to please."

"You're not here to please anyone," Dick shoved his hands into his pockets, "Don't hold yourself accountable for everything. You did what you needed to, now you have no one to apologize or answer to."

"Do I really though," Kaldur pondered aloud, "I can't deny that I missed out some things. I wasn't there for some people like I should've been."

"We've talked about this," Dick sighed and looked away.

"I don't care to blame you; we both agreed to take this on together and you carried out your end. Its just I've come to see…missions aren't the only thing worth investing in, Dick. If there's anything I've actually learned from this experience it's that there is more to life. People are more than liabilities or threats or risks…I'm sure you will realize that during your time away."

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not," Dick smirked solemnly. He opened the door and called back before exiting, "I can't make any promises… Good luck, Kal. I'm sure you'll be fine"

* * *

The rhythm of "Baduizm" bellowed throughout the kitchen as Raquel twisted the volume dial of the speakers. She bobbed fluently back to the open textbook on the counter; the stylized DSU bounced on her t-shirt.

Dakota State University was never necessarily her dream school, certainly not in the likes of Howard. Regardless, it had to be enough for someone with her income. Though you'd think a girl preventing the destruction of the world in tights since she was 15 wouldn't have a problem appealing to scholarship providers, she couldn't say the same about her true identity. A sudden, inexplicable decrease in track, gymnastics, and grade performance doesn't necessarily scream "good investment", no matter what a recommendation from well respected lawyer, Augustus Freeman, claimed. Raquel sighed, turning to take a break from her laden textbook. Thankfully, this would be the last course she'd be taking for a while.

Porcelain clanged together as she stacked the last few bowls in a cabinet together and wrapped them with newspaper. They were moving to New York so Jason could finish school at Columbus University, as suggested by his physics mentor, Martin Stein. Though she wasn't having it initially, they ultimately agreed that Raquel would take a break before continuing her own education. With him taking classes and working, someone had to be home to keep the Rusch family intact at the seams, however strange it sounded to say.

Raquel lightly placed the stack of bowls into a cardboard box, taking care not to crack any of the glasses already in place. She supposed she was ok with it all, though it felt like she was giving up a lot more than she anticipated: her hometown, graduating on time, potentially her sanity. Ultimately, they knew it was for the best- not for her or Jason, but for Amistad.

After all, she still had Rocket. She had to admit it was difficult to split time between the belt and the books in high school. Of course it wasn't any easier now, but she could manage. Darnice studies at NYU and had already voiced her willingness to help out with her godson. Furthermore, there were a few of Jason's frat brothers in the area. It all seemed feasible to her, for the time being at least.

A soft, irritable cry inched from Amistad's room into the air. Raquel sighed as she stretched her arms above her head, "Looks like my little songbird is singing with you mama Erykah." She reached to turn the volume knob down until the crying abruptly stopped.

She loved her Lil Bit, but she knew he was a glutton for attention; not one to cease until his needs were met. Raquel could feel her heart plunge into her gut, the blood gushing through her veins. She slowly crept towards the room door and made sure to grab a bat from the corner of the small living room. Gripping the cold aluminum, she lightly pushed open the door and peered inside cautiously.

Kaldur turned toward the door. Amistad was snuggled in his arms with a plush squid in hand.

"Good God Kal!" she exhaled harshly and dropped the bat, "How did you-"

"Through the window," Kaldur stared dreamily at the infant's seemingly poreless face.

Raquel crossed her arms reluctantly. So he wasn't the man they had all grown to believe he was after all… supposedly. She felt as though she was in the company of a stranger regardless, "well the front door works just fine too."

"Apologies," Kaldur began, "I just supposed that I have a lot of time to account for. Figured a shortcut or 2 wouldn't hurt."

Raquel raised a brow and looked away, keeping her distance.

Kaldur allowed the boy to marvel at his large hand, Amistad's chubby fingers poking at the webs between his fingers. Under his cool gaze, a coy smile stretched across Kaldur's tired face. "What's his name?"

"Amistad," Raquel couldn't help but smirk at the sound of her precious son's existence. Yet her annoyance returned, and she walked forward to lift the infant from Kaldur's arms, "who just so happens to have a busy day ahead tomorrow so..."

Kaldur calmly moved aside as she set Amistad back into the crib and tucked him in. He watched her roll her eyes at the plush toy and lay it in the crib beside him.

"You've been avoiding me," Kaldur followed Raquel into the living room. He peered around at the familiar apartment, though it was emptier than he remembered.

"I can say the same for you, Kaldur." Raquel sat irritably to continue her schoolwork.

Leaning against the last armchair in the living room, Kaldur noted the large boxes in the corner by the front door and added incredulously, "You're moving I see."

Raquel peered up from her computer with a brazen stare, "Alright I get that you're not 'evil' or whatever anymore, but this whole coming into my house with your unwanted opinions isn't going to work."

Kaldur rolled his eyes in jaded annoyance: just the cheek he remembered. He watched as she forcibly bore into her bio notebook. He could almost laugh, if it wasn't for the fact that pissing her off was the last thing he needed. He knew she wasn't actually reading anything; she hated science. Raquel was just being standoffish, not wanting to make eye contact or converse or anything with him. Yet, he had to admit she's obviously been working on her patience since he had been away.

Kaldur broke the momentary silence, "I can understand that you, or anyone else for that matter, are upset with me-"

"I'm not upset with you... I'm not exactly thrilled either," Raquel paused seemingly searching for the words she never allowed herself to string together, "I just um… I just don't know exactly how to feel about any of this, honestly."

Raquel sighed and lightly closed her laptop, biting on her bottom lip. She still avoided eye contact. Kaldur looked aside uncomfortably. "I mean, I don't really know what to say either," he began, "I decided to make a visit tonight because I thought we could at least 'hear each other out' but if there's nothing to say, I suppose I'll just.." His voiced trailed off as he stood up and fixed his jacket.

"Kaldur," Raquel closed her eyes as if the words became poison in her throat, "When you left that day without a trace like that, um I just didn't know what to think"

Kaldur retreated slowly to the armchair, quicksand he seemed to be sinking into.

"I mean I understand that you had just found out about your father and Tula was your childhood friend and I could vividly imagine what it felt like when I lost Della," her fingers tapped absentmindedly on the linoleum countertop, "but like she was my friend too. And for you to just bounce like that like we… I meant nothing.."

Kaldur tried to muster up a response though nothing pertinent seemed to come to mind. Raquel's words continued to find their footing.

"Kaldur I know we didn't work out at 15 and 16 years old," a weak smirk attempted to fasten onto her face but fell soon after, "but I mean I thought we had at least grown to be good friends from the experience and I wanted to be there for you. Like yo I cared about you and I had the gall to think you cared about me too."

Kaldur seemed to sink into himself. Malice, distrust, stubbornness, he all expected, but the sting of desertion was hard to swallow.

"I just felt emptier when I lost my grandmother, when Darnice went off to school, when I found out about Amistad, when we thought we lost Artemis and now Wally… I've um.. I feel abandoned."

Kaldur tried to break through his seemingly dry throat, "Raquel I-"

"But I understand now," Raquel only continued, rubbing her temples before forcing herself to look him in the eyes, "I have the context and it makes sense, you know the mission's the mission...but there's a bit of hostility that I can't get rid of."

Kaldur's brows furrowed in discomfort. Raquel balled her hand into a fist, seemingly gesturing towards her chest, "and it kills me because I know this has to be a difficult time for you and you don't deserve _all_ of it at least but … its there… and I'm sorry."

They both sat in silence. Kaldur took in her words. It's surprised him, but nonetheless he sensed they wouldn't make anything how it used to be.

"I did miss you though, Kaldur… I really did." Raquel reluctantly turned away, though not doing well in hiding the tear she tried to brush away from the corner of her eye.

He had only seen her cry once: in 2012 when he went with her to visit her sister, Della's, grave. She typically preferred to go alone, but she had gotten accustomed to his support. They had already broken up at that point, but they were still intimate. Kaldur wished they were still that way. It seemed Raquel did too, but he couldn't force that.

Kaldur pulled a tissue from a nearby Kleenex box and handed it to her as he took a seat on the barstool next to her. Raquel reluctantly accepted it, wiped her damp eyes, and guardedly crossed her arms.

Kaldur fiddled with his calloused fingers as he began, "At one point during the mission I was quite literally the lowest I have ever been in my life. The entire kingdom of Atlantis sits at around 18,000 feet in depth, Shayeris specifically at 17,659 feet."

Raquel let her eyes creep up to him. She noted Kaldur rubbing the hardened skin on his hands together, as though he wanted to smooth them out.

"Manta, my father, preferred to keep his operations at around 26,000 feet. For reference, the deepest depth of the Atlantic, The Puerto Rico Trench sits at 28,231. He cited 'discretion' as his reasoning." He laughed ironically, malice evident in his throat.

"A mere 'guppy' subjected to the hostile environment of almost 10x its accustomed water pressure. I thought I would die many times over: crushed by the combined weight of the Earth's 2nd largest ocean and my father's pride."

Raquel only continued to stare at him, intrigued.

"I was incredibly weak in the first month of my tenure: not keeping down my food, constant migraines, breathing difficulties. If it wasn't for the fact that my Atlantean mother just so happened to actually be my mother," Kaldur scoffed sarcastically, "I would've been dead certainly. My father claimed it would turn the 'Uncle Tom' the king made of me into his true son."

Raquel winced at his account. All self-ideologies aside, those were tough words for a family member. She watched as he stretched one hand over the other, massaging his webbed fingers: a self-soothing gesture. "At that point in time I wanted death more than anything, honestly. Earning the Light's trust, fulfilling the mission, even possibly legitimately joining my father's side- no option seemed more appealing than simply letting go of everything. I wouldn't feel the pain of Tula's death. I wouldn't feel the piercing disappointment of letting you or Roy down. I wouldn't feel the mediocrity of leading a team that never belonged to me. I'd finally be numb."

Overwhelmed, Raquel laid her hands on his arm, his hands settling in response. He felt so cold.

"I heavily considered opening one of the ships emergency exits and submitting myself to the Atlantic's thrall, compromising the sub with me. I remember looking through the sole periscope on the ship and being nearly hypnotized by her siren call. Her snarl was a black as onyx- absolutely breathtaking."

Raquel buried her mouth into her palm and stared at him intently. His aquamarine gaze seemed to drift into space, lost in the cosmos.

"I'm not sure how he did it honestly," Kaldur continued, "If it wasn't for Dick I would've answered her call."

Raquel scooted closer, hoping to rub warmth into his arm, "What do you mean?"

"In a pure act of 'God' or whomever that be, I decided to stop by my chambers right before I carried out my final deed. To my surprise on the bed I found a small metal trunk. It wasn't addressed but I knew it was from him once I opened it to find a few items for the mission, of course." Kaldur continued, "Delivered by an infiltrator or perhaps Dick himself, I wasn't sure but neither did I care. And yet in the corner I just so happened to notice a grossly shaped edge. After fiddling with it, of course in Nightwing fashion, I found the trunk to have a false bottom."

Raquel eyed him curiously, "And inside?"

"Photos," Kaldur smiled, "of him, Wally, Conner, and I the day we founded the team. Of Donna and Mary visiting the cave like they promised. Of Gar training with M'gann. Of you and Jason still going strong. All among others."

A bashful smiled warmed Raquel's face making her drop her head.

"Yet, I picked up this last picture, completely puzzled. Why I needed a photo of a pruney newborn I honestly wasn't sure," he laughed, "that is until I turned it over to read 'Amistad Augustus Ervin'." Raquel subconsciously squeezed his arm.

"He also included a letter, if you could call it that. 'Motivation. There are copies for you when you get home'," Kaldur smirked and put a hand over Raquel's, "Immediately, everything was more bearable. I stowed away that which the mission required and incinerated the rest. It didn't matter; I was determined to see everyone again in person and photo. I considered abandoning but that wasn't an option. As far as I was concerned, I was coming back to a home unharmed by the likes of Savage or Manta. Of course things got… pretty bad sometimes, but I told myself it couldn't be for naught."

Raquel looked at his hand and back up to him analyzing his face, "Well Kal, when you did get back, why did it take you so long to say anything. I admit I wasn't ready to receive you but it seemed like you didn't even want to try."

"I didn't, initially," Kaldur admitted, "I had been so focused on finishing the mission that I never considered what I'd do when I got here.. Or how I'd be received. Once I did return, some responses were positive, a lot negative or hesitant. Furthermore, it nearly broke me to hear that Roy had nearly gone over the edge trying to fulfill the debt that I was supposed to help him with. And then Wally disappeared fighting the fight Dick and I dragged him back into. I was guilty... Disappointed. And yet, here I find that everything's grand with you, though the growing pessimist in me expected the worst. You're engaged with a healthy child. You're in the Justice League... I was just so relieved that I initially didn't want to mess that up for you."

Raquel felt conflicted. It was strange having him here again. She could actually feel the thick skin that had become foreign. She had forgotten how hardened and durable it was compared to hers or any human's on land. For so long she had written him off as a distant memory, but now he was here and she could see all of him. Yet she wasn't sure if that could erase the bitterness she had carved within herself in his name.

"I should be the first to make an apology, and you undoubtedly deserve one," Kaldur faced Raquel and looked her unwavering in the eyes, "but I thought of you and Amistad every damned minute I spent down there. You always have been and will continue to be very important to me. I may not be able to make up time lost as an "Uncle" to Amistad or the support for you that I was supposed to be. But At the very least, I can't leave here tonight until you know that I do care about you, above everything else."

Raquel rolled her eyes at the tears falling regardless of her discomfort. She pulled her hands away from the Atlantean's grasp, pulling the collar of her shirt to wipe her face. Kaldur withdrew as she seemingly turned from him. He looked away, his eyes burning under the threat of moisture. It was more difficult than he thought it would be, diving back to that place he had ventured, recalling every thought that phased through his dwindling spirit. Along with the knowledge of what Raquel had felt, it was a heavy burden to carry on his heart.

Raquel finally looked back at him, his fist at his mouth. She grabbed the Atlantean and hugged him tightly.

He was taken aback initially as he looked down at her. He couldn't see her face, but her warmth stretched across his diaphragm. Reluctantly, he wrapped his arms around her, a hand stretched through her hair as she buried her face in his chest.

"Never realized you were a crier," After a long moment Kaldur let a dry quip slip, though admittedly holding back his own.

"Shut up," she laughed and pushed Kaldur away, "It's July, dammit, they're just sweaty or whatever."

The two laughed before it dwindled into an awkward silence. Kaldur stared at her reddened face. Raquel subconsciously retreated, closing herself off again though her eyes remained on him. She noted how ill-fit his shirt was. After all, he did seem to pick up some muscle since 19.

"You know Jason left a few of his clothes. I think he was going to donate them or something," Raquel began with a screwed facial expression, "I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind you grabbing a shirt or 2."

"Hand-me-downs?" Kaldur cocked a brow.

"He's a tall guy," She laughed and pushed herself up from the stool.

"Where is he anyway?"

"He went ahead to NY yesterday to check out the townhouse. You know, so it's ready when we get there tomorrow." She called back as she slid into her bedroom.

Kaldur nodded pleasantly surprised. Things were going very well for her it seemed. He slightly bobbed his head, noting the tunes of "On & On" beating from the speaker.

"You've shown me this song before...Your favorite," Kaldur began as Raquel returned with a T-shirt. He slipped off his current shirt and traded it for the other,"Arie?"

"Ah, close," Raquel laughed to herself, "that's Karen's favorite. This is Badu. Remember, you said we had a similar rasp to our voices?"

"Yes," Kaldur recalled his smirk growing mischievously, "I believe you call it 'same tribe'"

"Yes!" Raquel's face brightened in fan girl delight.

Kaldur couldn't help but laugh at her, "well perhaps if you could actually sing."

Raquel gasped and punched him in the arm, before flipping her hair dramatically, regardless of it being tied up, "Well evidentially not everything's changed. Still think you're a god damn comedian."

"I mean..."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes before laughing in acknowledgement, "You alright."

* * *

 _ **A/N**_ : Just 'cause I've always been curious about this particular interaction. Knowing me, a rewrite is probably inevitable. Anyway, thanks for reading and feel free to review.


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